she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
