That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
