I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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