Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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