Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
