Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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