She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
