Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
