what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Houston, we have a blender
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
