Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
