i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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