Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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