fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
