My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
