So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
