sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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