between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
