Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
