The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
