Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
