do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he was CRYING into my vagina
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
