At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
