Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
my shit smells like andre
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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