Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
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