Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
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