hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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