If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
