she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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