You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
