I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
