My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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