today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
