in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Michael Bay diarrhea
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize