my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Two words: nipple clamps
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