btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
