I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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