VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
