Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
