This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
