I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
