Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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