i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
