It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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