I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
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My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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