Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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