how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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