1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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