I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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