also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
