You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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