call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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