If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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