How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
