I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
