You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
