Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
