I accidentally burped into my bong.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
