I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
