I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
