I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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