and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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