Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
