U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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