Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
