Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
this boner is exhausting
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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