is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
