i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
