i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Do vagina's smell?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
