She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize