Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
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