i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
