If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
