I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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