Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
