I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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