His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
