He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
